”Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.” -Princess Diaries 2001/Ambrose Redmoon

The past holds me. The present has me in a limbo, and the future scares me. I used to get stuck to the past. It had me caught up in some invisible glue that I couldn’t let go, some of them memories just keeps coming, some of them I just couldn’t, (and wouldn’t) let go. Then I realized, keeping memories are good, but letting them hold on to you too much, is like strapping yourself to the main door or intentionally losing your keys even though you’re running late. Pretty absurd. Damn stupid.

Then suddenly I managed to gnaw through the strong rope holding me. Oh, there are still threads holding me back, but not strong enough, which I could snap in a few efforts, but I’m still not ready to let it all go.

The present has me in a limbo, simply because I am feeling desolate. I am afraid. I suddenly let go of the thing that I have been holding back for quite a time. I didn’t just surmise that letting go would leave me feeling all hollowed out. Simply devoid of any emotion. The feeling of being vulnerable again, of being susceptible to any pain is just so unnerving.

Now, I had to let go of something that has been keeping me stable for years. My fort. My comfort zone. Even though it makes me miserable. The future…the future just scares the shit out of me. In my younger years, I was a risk taker. Risks were not a variable for me. Risks were things I faced head on. Risks were something that wouldn’t keep me up all night. Those were stuff I’d deal with without batting my eyelashes. Now, these things keep me up at night and it’s not even remotely connected to the nightlife I maintain. I guess it comes with maturity, if I’m any closer to being mature. But the older me is hesitating, meditating and tossing and turning. The younger me would say, “Why do I even have to push this issue when I could simply let it all go? Just hit the road of life and just let it all go. Like what I used to do. “… this is simply scary. Im pretty scared, I tell you.