as of this writing , im still fresh from a bout of fever that came out of nowhere last night…after the initial high of change and the dizzying speed that I had led my life this past month( new job, new life, pampanga, puerto galera), the ensuing lull was like a pail of cold water and I’m feeling a wee bit down lately. Actually I’m down BIG time. I always feel like this on the onset of illness. I get depressed; I’ll miss Mom real bad, and everyone else. I just hate being sick (who doesn’t?). It’s so embarrassing to sniffle, sneeze and cough in public. I get grouchy because I can’t eat stuff that I wanted, like that strawberry flavored ice-cream in Ministop and all those soda, and then …I will always almost want to give up on everything else. Add it to an episode of crazy stuff that led to a falling out with a dear friend( or so I think) someone I hold close to my heart, and whom I held too close I didn’t realize its not healthy any more. I wasn’t sure if it was the best thing to do, but hey, I gotta take the risk, right? I may be too stubborn to admit it at first, or I really tried to ward off that feeling but now, I’m in too deep and before it gets too deep, I need to get out, and whatever happens, let’s just get this over and done with.

…I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It’s personal, myself and I
We’ve got some straightening out to do
And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

That’s what always happens when im sick. I wanted to give up on my job, my life, and all I wanted to do is go home and howl like a banshee. But then, I always have the people I love to count on, my dad whose text messages have my inbox bursting at the seams, he knows when I get home from work, he wont sleep unless I get to work at midnight, and hy and yan who makes me laugh when im down and will go all the way from paranaque just to meet me, net who is just a text away for some booze and chika, and ate min whose just a YM away.  But this episode will pass. I’ll wallow, hate the world,give myself some time to feel the pain ‘ emote emote”…. and then,  I’ll remind myself that this is the life I wanted and struggles are part of it all, and , I’ll stand up and go kick some ass. It always works.

But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
It’s time to be a big girl now
…and big girls don’t cry